Winter 2003

Home for the Holidays: Ready, Set ... Reconnect
Student Life - Homemade Care Packages
Parents' Weekend - A Success
Parents' Committee - Building the Annual Fund
Student Club Spotlight - Ballroom Dancing
What's New at Fairfield U? - A Radio Show for Students' Mental Health
Focus on Faculty
Tech Time

Home for the Holidays: Ready, Set ... Reconnect

by Lisa Roberts

Whether you can't wait for the holidays or you're in a panic that they're nearly upon you, welcome to the holiday season as the parent of a college student. As your son or daughter saunters through the front door, carrying with them not just the laundry but tales of their great college adventure and a renewed appreciation of all-that-is-home, your world will reawaken to the joys and tribulations of youth. This reunion, however, is often followed by a period of transition that tests even the best parent-child relationships.

"Parents need to be sensitive to the mix of emotions students feel when they're home for the holidays," suggests John Scroope, P '05, director of clinical services at the Manhattan-based Training Institute for Mental Health. In addition to specializing in group therapy and individual and adolescent work, Scroope is well-versed in parenting Fairfield students. Not only is son, Terence, a sophomore at the Charles F. Dolan School of Business, his first son, John Scroope Jr. '94, married Elizabeth McConnell '97 a year and a half ago, and his daughter, Katie '93, will marry James Kelly '89 on Thanksgiving weekend. "On the one hand," continues Scroope, "they love the security of home life where everything is taken care of and all will be well. At the same time, they're fresh from the exciting challenge of being on their own and redefining themselves in a whole new atmosphere, and want to be recognized for the changes they are experiencing internally."

Catherine Radeschi, P '03, a licensed clinical social worker in Redbank, N.J., points out that although college students are officially on their own, a parent's role in the development of a young adult child remains vital. "Holidays and vacations are a time for connection, but also for the parents' realization that the letting go process is still underway." The task of parents during the college years is to let go while staying connected - a fine but fundamental line to draw. "Kids want - and need - parents to start acting and speaking to them as young adults, to really listen to them without judgment and criticism." In essence, whether your growing offspring admit it or not, they seek from you what they have always sought - acceptance for who they are, and who they are becoming.

Whether it takes just a few hours or a few days for your young adult to remind you that your parenting role is not quite over yet, enjoy their presence throughout. Both Scroope and Radeschi believe that the best way to reconnect with your son or daughter is to create an atmosphere of fun, laughter, friendship, and unbridled appreciation of who they are. Dr. Susan Birge, director of counseling services at Fairfield University, seconds this notion, offering the following advice to parents: "Give your child plenty of time to sleep, lots of good food, hugs, and kind words, and a good ear."

Scroope suggests that as students return to their childhood base on their way to young adulthood, two words that should be thrown around a lot are "respect" and "courtesy." Respect can be shown by expressing an interest in their college life without interfering with it. Courtesy comes into play around issues involving curfews and time spent with others.

Radeschi cautions parents that if they keep too tight a reign on their children now, they won't see much of them in the future. While Radeschi imposes no limitations on her son's comings and goings, she does expect the courtesy of knowing where he's going to be. Scroope has always asked his Fairfield students to simply give a phone number wherever they are going - out of courtesy, not out of control. Adds Scroope, "Any parent trying to control their child at this point in life will end up with no control at all."

Parents might also want to drop expectations surrounding how much time they will actually get to spend with their budding adult. For many college students, home serves merely as a backdrop to the student's personal agenda - which is bound to include the twin indulgences of late night reunions with high school friends and late afternoon breakfasts (after sleeping in all morning). Since students have been on their own since the beginning of September, most don't expect any parental restrictions. To defray any hurt feelings, Radeschi says, "Ask, 'I'd love to have a couple of family dinners while you're home, when would be good for you?' Give them the choice rather than telling them what your schedule is, and do so in the beginning so you don't hear back 'but I already made plans ... '"

Furthermore, Scroope believes it's important to alert college students that younger siblings - who may feel left behind in a quiet, near-empty house when college is in session - are really looking forward to their older brother or sister coming home. Perhaps a private phone call from mom or dad ahead of time, asking their students to save special time for their younger sibling, should be made.

Naturally, residential life on campus is not like residential life at home. While your days may have settled down somewhat since your student took off for fall semester, theirs have surely accelerated. From the challenges of academic discovery and experiential learning, to sudden freedom and constant peer contact, the life of a college student is jam-packed and ever-changing. The awareness of this lifestyle gap may not hit parents and students at the same time, but it's likely to come up at some point during their stay.

Still can't wait for the holidays? Of course you can't. Just make sure your expectations - and the washing machine - are clear before the big day.

Student Life

Homemade Care Packages

What better way to connect with your son or daughter before the holidays than by sending a care package during final exam week, when students are in the most need of relief tools and some home-based tender loving care? On campus, the Peer Education Network contracts with OCM/Student Advantage to provide "Stress Buckets" at the end of each semester as well as a "Welcome Bucket" each fall. Parents receive information on this service in the mail.

As an alternative - if the mood strikes - consider a do-it-yourself care package that ignites your creativity and highlights the special bond you have with your student. Here's what you may want to include, courtesy of Amanda Martignetti '03:

An advent calendar - they're fun and a great way to count down the days toward coming home.

Holiday decorations for dorm room or apartment.

Homemade Christmas cookie sampler.

Favorite goodie from hometown store - those local old faithfuls hit the spot every time.

Hot chocolate mix and peppermints, gourmet coffee and tea bags.

Other ideas include:

Helen and John Stone send their Fairfield senior a humorous card every week - often a cartoon clipped from their daily newspaper. Sometimes the cards are blank with strange pictures and a freshly-penned caption from Dad, and all involve funny comments about daily life in general.

An audio CD of family favorites - songs that filled the house while your student was growing up (yes, that may include parent tunes from Sinatra to Lynrd Skynrd!) - burned by techno-savvy you.

Video of a movie you saw together on a memorable or happy occasion.

Parents' Weekend
A Success

Another successful Parents' Weekend (held Oct. 26-27, 2002) has come and gone at Fairfield University with more than 1,500 people registered. As seen in the photos below, parents enjoyed the opportunity to visit campus with their sons and daughters, and take part in many scheduled activities from faculty-led sessions to the entertainment events.

Weekend highlights included:

Aloysius P. Kelley, S.J.'s welcome address was held in the Regina A. Quick Center for the Arts. A capacity crowd of nearly 750 parents came to learn about current University news.

Parents' Weekend Mass was held on Saturday afternoon. Fr. Kelley blessed the junior class rings. The Junior Ring Ceremony followed in the Oak Room at the John A. Barone Campus Center.

Comedian Dave Russo had parents and students rolling in the aisles of the Quick Center in two high-energy performances on Saturday evening.

The Fairfield University Glee Club, led by Carole Ann Maxwell, inspired an audience of more than 700 during the Parents' Weekend concert on Sunday afternoon.

Faculty-led sessions were standing room only and included informative discussions on such topics as: the internship panel, study abroad, career planning, Ignatian Residential College, Dolan School of Business, five-year MBA/accounting option, and a parents' role, along with open houses at the School of Nursing and Campus Ministry.

We hope all who attended had a wonderful weekend visit. If you have any comments or suggestions regarding Parents' Weekend, please e-mail us at:
parentsweekend@mail.fairfield.edu

We would love to hear from you. And remember to:

SAVE THE DATE ...

Parents' Weekend 2003 is Oct. 25 and 26.

Invitations will be mailed around Labor Day.

Fairfield President Aloysius P. Kelley, S.J., meets William and Susan Shea, P '06 during Parents' Weekend.

Families whet their mid-day appetites at the newly-expanded and renovated John A. Barone Campus Center, which serves as home to all student clubs and organizations, meeting rooms, dining facilities, the post office, and the campus bookstore.

Fairfield families enjoy Theatre Fairfield's resident improvisational group "On the Spot" along with the apprentice group "In the Spit."

Parents' Committee

Building the Annual Fund

by Claudia Nielsen, associate director of Annual Giving, Parents Program

A dedicated group of Fairfield parents have joined Fairfield University's 2002-03 Parents' Fund Committee. At Fairfield events, members facilitate discussion among parents and encourage them to share ideas and stories. The Parents' Fund Committee contacts other parents to invite them to support the Annual Fund. This year, the Parents' Fund Committee has set a goal for parents of current and former students to contribute $350,000 to the University's $2.5 million Annual Fund.

Why We Give
"A Fairfield education provides knowledge and core values that students will use to become happy and successful for a lifetime," Parents' Committee Co-chairs Ed and Maureen Carey, P '03 believe. "Unfortunately, as in nearly all institutions of higher education, tuition couldn't possibly cover all costs involved in a premiere education. For those parents who are in a position to help, making a donation improves every Fairfield student's chance of having those life dreams come true."

Bob and Tina Priolo, P '05 echo the Careys' sentiments. According to the Priolos, it's important for parents to stay connected and involved in the University their child is attending. "Participation is a growth process for us as a family," explains Tina, who sees parent participation, even at the college level, as a way to be part of her adult child's life in an unobtrusive manner and to observe her student's interests and talents flourish.

As a teacher herself, Tina cites the value educators find in parental support and interest. By networking with other parents and meeting school faculty and administrators, the Priolos believe they are able to find out about resources that may benefit their Fairfield student, and even the entire family. They explain that they get back even more than they give through their participation in the Parents' Committee.

Why Tuition Isn't Enough
To minimize the need to substantially increase tuition each year, Fairfield offers parents, alumni, and friends the opportunity to give at a range of levels to ensure that Fairfield continues to grow with new and improved facilities, resources for students, and an enhanced reputation. Last year's $2.5 million in Annual Fund dollars bridged the gap between University revenue and expenses. Recruiting and retaining key faculty members requires ongoing faculty workshops and a creative recruitment strategy. Special programs such as Campus Ministry's mission work and student activities are enhanced through the Annual Fund. In addition, each year Fairfield budgets more than $17 million in institutional financial aid, so that the most talented students are able to enroll regardless of family income. In the event of an Annual Fund shortfall, these vital funds could be reduced.

How to Make a Gift
While the Parents' Committee understands that not everyone is in a position to give at The President's Circle level ($1,000+), they also understand the importance of parent participation at any level. As Ed and Maureen Carey sum it all up: "A parent's gift to Fairfield is a blue chip investment in the future of their son or daughter that will pay dividends for a lifetime."

Ways to Give to the Parents' Fund

Make your gift by mail.

Call the Annual Giving toll-free number (877) 748-5123 and make your gift by credit card.

Go online at www.fairfield.edu, click "Advancement" and "Give to Fairfield."

Consider a gift of appreciated stock; call the Annual Giving office at (203) 254-4004 for more information.

Check with your employer to see if they have a matching gift program. Corporate matching funds are an excellent way to increase the impact of your gift.

Student Club Spotlight

Ballroom Dancing

Fairfield's Ballroom Dancing Club welcomes advanced and novice dancers alike. A professional ballroom dance instructor from Arthur Murray Dance Studio in Southport teaches any dance students desire - swing, disco, Latin dancing, salsa, tango, waltz, fox-trot, rumbu, samba, and much more. For the more ambitious dancer, there's also the Competition Team, where members are selected more on the basis of commitment and energy than on experience or audition. Members of the Ballroom Dance Club and Competition Team engage in other activities as well, including performances, unique fundraisers, trips to concerts and dance clubs, campuswide events, and service projects such as teaching swing dancing to Holland Hill Elementary School fifth-graders for their annual musical. Ballroom dancing is a great way to meet new people, have fun with friends, exercise, try something new, and take a stress-relieving study break. Encourage your student to put some swing into their college experience!

On the web: www.geocities.com/FairfieldUBallroom/

What's New at Fairfield U?

A Radio Show for Students' Mental Health

Call Me Crazy, a new weekly radio show hosted by Fairfield's counseling services staff, airs every Tuesday afternoon. The talk-radio format focuses on mental health topics. In addition to interviewing special guests, listeners will be able to call into the live show at ext. 4111 to ask questions or offer their views. Upcoming programs will deal with adjusting to college life, relationships, family issues, procrastination, managing anxiety, substance use/abuse, and weight and body image. If something's going on in your student's life that's making them feel "a little crazy," encourage them to:

Focus on Faculty

Math Honors, Solar Energy Conversion and Family Circle

From the
COLLEGE OF ARTS AND SCIENCES
Nationwide Math Honor Society:
Joan Weiss, D.A., associate professor of mathematics, was elected to head the national honorary mathematics society, Pi Mu Epsilon. Founded in 1914, the group currently has 300 chapters nationwide. Weiss will serve as president-elect for three years, followed by a three-year term as president. "It's quite an honor to be president-elect of an organization that acknowledges student achievement in math," shares Weiss.

From the
SCHOOL OF ENGINEERING
Solar Energy Conversion:
In early November our school hosted a conference on solar energy, co-sponsored by the Northeast Sustainable Energy Society. Highlights included a full-day photovoltaic workshop and the installation of the 2,800-square-foot solar roof, generating 12.5 kWh and supplying 60 percent of the electrical needs of four apartments. This photovoltaic installation is one of the largest residential solar systems in the United States.

From the
SCHOOL OF NURSING
American Nurses Association:
Family Circle magazine recently became the first major consumer magazine to name a registered nurse to its advisory board when it invited Dr. Anne P. Manton, R.N. from Fairfield University to join its Health and Medical Advisory Board. Dr. Manton, associate professor of nursing, has more than 25 years of experience as an emergency room nurse and was elected as a fellow of the American Academy of Nursing last year.

Tech Time

Parent-University Electronic Communications

by Mark Reed, dean of students

Remember when you considered taking a course in paper management just to handle all the fliers, bulletins, and briefings from your children's school administrators? By the time college days roll around, parents have come to expect and depend upon regular communication from school officials concerning all kinds of matters. Parents of college students learn quickly that it's time to empty that elaborate school filing system created over the years. Now the focal point of communication is between the school and the student - a necessary step in preparing students to take responsibility and hold their own in the wider world.

So, how can parents stay informed about university news and events in between phone calls to their children and receiving Fairfield publications via postal mail? One of the best ways is to use online resources. Fairfield has two official websites (www.fairfield.edu and www.fairfieldstags.com) that contain vast amounts of information - a good deal of which is dynamic, including press releases, current issues of University publications, and academic course catalogs. There's also a Web page just for parents. In addition, the University is in the process of collecting parent e-mail addresses so that certain communications may be sent electronically down the road. In times of crisis or emergency - like the campuswide power outage Fairfield experienced in September 2002 - e-mail can be an invaluable tool for keeping parents informed.

The Advancement Division of Fairfield University publishes Parent Ties three times a year for parents of undergraduate students. Letters to the editor, address changes, and correspondence should be sent to:

Parent Ties
Bellarmine Hall Room 318
Fairfield University
1073 North Benson Road
Fairfield, CT 06824-5195
e-mail: parentties@mail.fairfield.edu

Editor
Lisa M. Roberts

Editorial Committee
Claudia B. Nielsen
Eileen Bossone
Edward and Maureen Carey P'03
Clare Schimpf '76